Day One

I'm so extremely fucking tired right now. But it is Day One. I am starting off at 113.0 pounds because of my fuck-up last night. But I can handle that.

I won't say how long this fast is supposed to go because that isn't a concrete idea in my head, plus, I don't want to "jinx it" I should check the time difference between here and Germany so that I know when I can try to contact T... I don't know how terrible the fees will be for that, though.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life and it's driving me nuts. I have no drive because I don't know what to be driving toward. But I feel closer to figuring that out somehow. I don't know how that works, but I feel closer anyway. We'll see how it plays itself out.

I don't have much else to say at the moment other than that I'm heading out to the Doctor in a couple of hours to give them my entire list of damned symptoms of "something" and get a referral to a neurologist who will hopefully be taking pictures of my completely healthy brain and telling me conclusively that I do not have Multiple Sclerosis.

-Run With Me

p.s. 113.0 pounds

I woke up this afternoon at around 3pm at 113.8 pounds. I am now 113.0 pounds. The day is being okay to me. I am in a fasting-mode today, meaning I don't feel like consuming and am determined, almost helplessly, not to do so. I wish I hadn't given in the way I did last night with the bread and cheese, but what is done is done. Not something I should dwell over or beat myself up (anymore than I already did) for.

I will be fine. That is what I keep telling myself. In this losing weight, I will be just fine. I will get where I want to be, even if it takes some minor ups and some more reliable downs. The downs (meaning weightloss) will win out because I want them to.

-Run With Me

p.s. 113.0 pounds