Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I have successfully fasted today. But my best friend here where I live is leaving in a couple of months for another state and town... He's going to what sounds like a great gig and a great life. I just have foreboding feelings about it... like he's going to die before he ever gets the chance to do what he dreams and have that great life. I don't want that. I hope they let him go.

One of my absolute best friends in this world left for Germany today. I think she called me and must have left a message but I can't get to the message yet because my phone is acting up, so if you are reading this, I hope you had a safe trip and I want to hear from you all about it soon!

The image to the upper right reminds me of days spent with T and K in coffee parlors talking for hours and never getting bored. We could go on and on because it was always about life, always after having longed to get together for so long that actually doing it was an accomplishment worthy of the out-pouring of our woes and triumphs. I miss that. I miss that a lot.

It was about love. Unfortunately, the people I love tend to die sooner than they ever should. I've lost five people to my love... I don't want to lose another. I don't want to lose my best friend who is going to Minneapolis and I don't want to lose T or K to anything. What would I do without these people in my life? I would keep on trucking through the way I do now, but huge holes, unfillable holes, would be there. How could I be happy after that kind of loss again? How could I ever survive in my head after that? My body could continue on ad infinitum. But could I?

I weighed 113.0 this morning, this afternoon I was down to 111.6 and now I weigh the exact same, 111.6 pounds. It will go down by the time I wake up tomorrow morning. It will all be alright eventually: my friends will stay alive because the pattern of my close friends and loves of my life dying has ended. It's over. And they will let him go.

-Run With ME

p.s. 111.6 pounds